Thursday, December 2, 2010
I teach what I need to learn. There is no doubt in my mind that yoga came into my life to teach me about many things like acceptance, gratitude, patience, being uncomfortable, finding new edges in my life and so much more. It is so much easier to teach these things - much harder to put them to work in my daily life. For years I have used phrases in class such as "yoga isn't about changing your body, it is about loving it", or "observe yourself in this shape without judgment or expectation - instead be open to possibility", or "notice if your mind wants to give up before your body" or "we are each beautiful expressions of grace on this planet" etc. In yoga we try to replace negative messages/ thoughts/ images with positive ones. For years I've been learning about habits that I have that are useful, and ones that aren't. My tendency to be negative and filled with self doubt is a habit - that is not useful and it shows up daily for me and if I listened to it - I would miss out on so much fun. I've learned to recognize the self doubt and not let it run my life. In the past several weeks I have been given a couple of opportunities to practice this. Tammy Rae (Highlands Media Arts) called me and asked me/ told me that they were going to make a video of all the Film Festival Sponsors and she was going to send someone over to interview/ film me. I begged, pleaded and even lied (I'm too busy honestly) to get out of it. I really don't like getting my picture taken, or even worse being filmed. My brain has this mantra that I am not photogenic and I avoid cameras always! And I was worried about what I would say. Tammy gracefully ignored me and sent 2 young, very friendly high school students over to film me. Again, I tried to get out of it and they quietly ignored me and got me in front of the camera. And it was fine. People who saw the little movie clip said I looked fine on the screen. The second opportunity will come up this weekend when my husband and I dance as "The Grandparents" in the Heritage Ballet production of the Nutcracker. Again the voices in my head tell me I can't do this, what if we embarrass ourselves or our daughter or everyone else. What if I fall? What if we miss the beat and do the steps wrong. Oh the places my mind can go. A big part of the yoga practice is learning to pay attention to those "tapes" that run through my head that may not even be true and yet cause me to quit before I even start. So, this weekend I'm going to get on the stage and be a beautiful, graceful dancer. I'm sure we'll have lots of laughs, and my daughter will probably always remember the year her parents did their duet!